What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
12.06.2025 07:13
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Holocaust survivor who was burned in Boulder: 'We are better than this' - NBC News
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Knicks' Decision to Fire Tom Thibodeau Was Brewing For 'Months' - Sports Illustrated
So, i spoilt her more .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Russell Wilson: Nothing changes for me with Jaxson Dart here - NBC Sports
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
‘Stranger Things’ Season 5 Gets Three-Part Release, Series Finale Set for New Year’s Eve - Variety
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Mariners fall flat again: 'We'll keep fighting' - The Seattle Times
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Ive learnt so much.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
How to Make AI Faster and Smarter—With a Little Help from Physics - WIRED
This is soul school!.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I think the readers, may guess!
If Republicans say that Biden goes to shower with his daughter, how do Democrats support it?
I never cut or harmed myself..
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
How do empaths destroy narcissists?
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
What did i know ?
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Video: Street Fighter 6 Showcases Four New Character Outfits - Nintendo Life
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Im still living with it.
Panthers' winning formula goes missing in Stanley Cup Final Game 1 loss to Oilers - NHL.com
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
She wouldn,t have been !
And who doesn’t know suffering?
My life is so biszare .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I was 9 years of age.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
He knew the spot.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I couldn’t, believe it.
She was in good health!
She married twice! .
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Put me off passion for life!!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
We all went to grammer schools
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
My family never makes their pension either.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I don,t even have a pension.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
She loved him until the end.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
One cannot live in the past .
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Was to survive, this bastard.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Who then, do I blame.?
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
(And it was in our own minds.)
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
When she asked me how she looked .
And i lived it daily.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I was seconnd youngest,
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Would this be the day?
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
So whats the point in blame.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I said to her
I have no regrets .
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I write beautiful poetry .
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
All the time i was locked up.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
We were not on the streets..
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I was scared of men, in general
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
It was going to be , some day.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
But, we were locked up after school.
But it wasn’t much.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
But ive been too sick for many years..
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I was very sick at this time too.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I waited trembling.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Comes on , in middle age.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I will be 64.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
My mum and dad in the seventies!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
He resisted the act ,that day.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Especially a lifetime of it.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
She found it foreign!.
I could never make a relationship work though!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.