What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 19.06.2025 00:10
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Would this be the day?
I have no regrets .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
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My family never makes their pension either.
She was in good health!
But ive been too sick for many years..
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Was to survive, this bastard.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
It was going to be , some day.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
And i lived it daily.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Why are the democrats keep insisting that there are more than two genders?
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Can we state Alia Bhatt as the most versatile actress in Bollywood now?
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Why would a spouse cheat if the marriage is good?
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Im dying but, im not bitter.
When she asked me how she looked .
What made you stop being an addict?
I was scared of men, in general
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Im still living with it.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Put me off passion for life!!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
All the time i was locked up.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
So whats the point in blame.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
But it wasn’t much.
But, we were locked up after school.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I was seconnd youngest,
I write beautiful poetry .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
So, i spoilt her more .
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
We all went to grammer schools
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
She wouldn,t have been !
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
(And it was in our own minds.)
He knew the spot.
She married twice! .
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
And who doesn’t know suffering?
On the 31st of Jan this month .
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I was very sick at this time too.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
One cannot live in the past .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I was 9 years of age.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I think the readers, may guess!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
This is soul school!.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I don,t even have a pension.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
My life is so biszare .
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
We were not on the streets..
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He was dying to do it , i knew.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Comes on , in middle age.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I never cut or harmed myself..
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I waited trembling.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Why did i forgive my father ?
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Ive learnt so much.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
She loved him until the end.
Who then, do I blame.?
I will be 64.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I could never make a relationship work though!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I said to her
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
What did i know ?
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
She found it foreign!.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
As i do to all so called friends.?
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I couldn’t, believe it.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
He resisted the act ,that day.
This is how, and why children get BPD.